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Staying True to Your Faith: Navigating Hookup Culture as a Christian

In a world shaped by evolving social norms and technology, the concept of hookup culture has become increasingly common. While hookup culture may be viewed as a product of modern society, it clashes with our Christian values, making us feel out of place or conflicted. The pressure to fit in can be tough, but we can find ways to navigate this while staying true to our faith.

If you have just come to the faith or have been a Christian for a while then this one is for you. Especially if you are in a position of influence, whether as a parishioner, a committee member, a volunteer, or a study leader – please take this post very seriously, as you have the power and responsibility to influence those around you either in a good or a bad way.

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven (Matthew 5:16).

Understanding Hookup Culture and Its Impact

Hookup culture is all about casual relationships and quick sexual flings e.g. making out, offering sexual pleasures, etc, where people often focus on the physical rather than real emotional connections and committed relationships. While this is not exclusive to any particular group, its effects on Christianity are particularly pronounced due to our faith’s emphasis on moral values, commitment, and sexual purity.

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, Who is in you, Whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your bodies (1 Corinthians 6:18-20).

For many Christians, the practice of hookup culture and its beliefs can create a sense of conflict. The pressure to conform to societal norms clashes with the teachings of our faith, leading to confusion and inner turmoil. Moreover, the pervasive nature of hookup culture can lead to a diluted sense of intimacy and commitment, rather than the values of love, marriage, and relationships that are deeply rooted in Christian teachings.

Challenges Faced by Christians

Making the right choices: The Bible encourages us to be pure and faithful. Hookup culture can make it hard to stick to these values, and we might feel like we’re in a moral dilemma. Engaging in casual encounters contradicts the biblical teaching of reserving sexual intimacy for marriage.

Self-worth and identity: Hookup culture often promotes superficial relationships, which can negatively impact a person’s sense of identity and self-worth. Our identity as Christians is grounded in our relationship with God, which is so much deeper than what hookup culture offers.

Real Relationships: The temporary nature of hookup culture can hinder the development of meaningful, lasting relationships. Giving into these quick thrills can overshadow the pursuit of true love and connection, which are cornerstones of Christian relationships (if you do not deal with this now, it will be hard for you to have a real and authentic relationship in the future).

Overcoming the Trap of Hookup Culture

While the challenges are real, there are strategies that we Christians can employ to overcome the dangers of hookup culture without compromising our faith:

Find a Mentor: Seek guidance from trusted mentors, priests, or spiritual leaders. They can offer wisdom and insight on how to navigate the challenges of hookup culture while preserving our faith.

Educate and Reflect: Study and understand what the Bible says about relationships, love, and purity. Reflect on these teachings and how they align with our personal beliefs and values.

Pray and Stay Connected: Prayer is powerful. It connects us with God and helps us make good choices. Regularly attending church services and receiving the Holy Sacraments will help us stay focused and repent from our ways.

Stay True to Your Values: The virtue of self-control is so important. Even when it feels tough, remember that our faith encourages us to wait for the right time and person.

Remember Your Worth: Your identity isn’t based on what hookup culture says. You’re loved by God and part of a wonderful community. Don’t focus on seeking validation from external sources.

Communication is Key: Be upfront about your values and expectations when entering a new relationship. Honest communication can help filter out partners who do not align with your beliefs.

Focus on Purpose: Embrace your Christian purpose, emphasizing the growth of your faith and the pursuit of a God-honouring life. This focus can help you prioritize lasting values over momentary pleasures.

Remember, we as Christians are not to be conformed to this world but to be a light to those around us. What does this mean in practice? It means not going with what the world says is “ok” to do, or following the latest social norms. You DO NOT have to fit in with what this world tells us to do – in fact, you are not supposed to fit in with the world, because you are not of this world For our citizenship is in heaven, from which we also eagerly wait for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. (Philippians 3:20) Rather follow what our Lord tells us to do and by doing that, we will be a light to those around us, shining so brightly that others will want to turn to God and learn more about Him. That is our job.

If you are currently participating in hookup culture, it’s ok. Today is your day to transform and leave that old habit behind. The first step is wanting to change and by doing that you must call out to God in prayer to give you strength and guidance, and you will see your life transform!

Never forget that you are made in the image of God; therefore, you are made beautiful and for a reason! Don’t let this world corrupt that for you. Preserve this gift of intimacy and purity for your future wife or husband, it will be all worth it.

“God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to us, to restore the communion with God that we lost after death entered the world through sin. Christ’s death on the cross was entirely voluntary; He never sinned and thus was never under the same penalty of death as the rest of us. He chose to die for us because He loved us. Sexual love must mirror the love of God; it should be giving, unique, and selfless, not casual, crude, and self-centered. The only way for the sexual union to mirror God’s love is for it to be blessed and sanctified in marriage.”

With love & blessings, Mirna.

Feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions or points. lettersdrawnear@gmail.com

Choosing godparents

Please know when I share this post with you it’s because I want us to take our faith more seriously, not just for our own sake but for the sake of our children! I write this with love, kindness, and a non-judgemental heart.

Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it. -Proverbs 22:6

When choosing godparent/s, I see parents putting in a lot of effort in organising a gift or hamper in the form of a question to surprise their chosen godparents, but I often wonder if they put even more effort into selecting the godparent of their child. Just because so-and-so has been my best friend for many years or so-and-so has done so much for me I don’t want to offend them, I am not required or obliged to put them as my child’s godparent; this can be disastrous. It’s safe to say many of us don’t fully understand the role of a godparent because if we did, we would choose wisely and carefully. Besides the chosen godparent having the title and holding the child at the baptism, there is a greater responsibility in their hands. So let’s understand the purpose and responsibility together.

What is the purpose of a godparent?

They are responsible for the spiritual upbringing of your child and have the task of steering the child along the narrow path and bringing them up according to the law of God, which is perhaps the greatest of all things in life. Their duty is to guide the child to understand and practice the teachings of the church. Do you see how important it is to be selective in who you choose? This should be taken seriously, not lightly.

How should parents choose a godparent?

Parents should discuss with each other and pray about who they want to be their child’s godparent. And along with that, consider these points :

The godparent should be someone who is a firm believer and active within the Apostolic Church.

Someone who reflects the love and fear of God through their faith and actions.

Someone you can trust will bring holiness to your child.

What are the responsibilities of a godparent?

They are to be a Christ-like example to their godchild.

They should make an effort to stay in touch frequently and develop a strong bond with their godchild and their parents.

They should be working on their own spiritual life in order to help their godchild draw nearer to God.

They should assist and encourage their godchild’s parents and ask how they can help.

They should make an effort to explain and discuss the importance of having God in their godchild’s life.

The godparent’s most important responsibility is to sincerely pray that God will protect and guide their godchild throughout his or her life.

Activities godparents can do with their godchild-

Attend the liturgy services at the same time as them even if their parents are with them, they need to see that you are leading by example.
Read and discuss a bible story with them.
Buy them Christian gifts and books and read with them.
Teach them the importance of prayer.
Most importantly, show them that you can listen to them and give them advice whenever it’s needed.

What happens if my child’s godparent is not taking on their responsibility?

Pray about it and check in with your child’s godparent, perhaps they are going through a tough time. You can also remind them in a kind way about their responsibility and their importance in your child’s life.

In light of all of this, parents have a responsibility to instill a love of God in their children and to uphold His law in their homes. The godparent, however, bears the greater responsibility.

I really pray and hope if you’ve read this that you will take into consideration what I have mentioned and choose your child’s godparent very carefully we are living in a scary time and there is nothing more important than bringing up a child God-fearing.

May the Lord bless and guide you! With love, Mirna.

The Christian “Marriage” Stage-Part 2

Continuing on from part 1…

Submission

Submission in marriage requires sacrifice, service, accountability, and mutual respect for each other; it is not slavery, abuse, or a woman’s call to silence. The Christian marriage is built on love, and love is anything but the desire to control. When a husband submits to the Lord, he can then submit to his wife by loving her, which then will help him lead his wife, nurturing her God-given talents, so she can confidently submit to him.

“Submitting to one another in the fear of God. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. “For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:21-33

Note that the very first line in the Ephesians passage above directs both the husband and the wife to submit to each other. Not just the wife, but the husband also must be submissive. In fact, the husband is called to an even more drastic form of submission: he is called to be ready to give his life for his wife, as Christ did for the Church. If his very life is required of him by love, then how much more is required the much smaller sacrifices.

There has been a big misunderstanding of the word submission and the worth of men and women in God’s eyes. Of course, the world likes to take the words of God and twist them to their own liking to distract the Christian. But let’s be clear, in the above passage verse 21, St. Paul is reminding husbands and wives to be submissive to each other, not just wives. Just to be clear, God loves women and men equally for we are His creation! It is safe to say though that men and women are different in their needs and roles. Everyone has their own responsibility within their household whether it is spiritual or physical.

How should a Christian wife submit to her husband?

By acknowledging that he is the head of the house and that his final decision on matters should be respected. Through respect and love; wives should not treat their husbands lightly, but with reverence. Wives should never treat their husbands like they’re of little weight. Some wives interrupt their husbands, or they’re dismissive of their husband’s thoughts or words. They treat his leadership and direction as though it’s unimportant.

When wives love their husbands, they try to please their husbands in their speech, dress, behavior, the company they keep, how they manage the home, and the way they raise their children. But there is a balance to this. Love doesn’t only seek to please others. 1 Corinthians 13:6 says that when a wife loves her husband, she does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices “with the truth.” If your husband is living in sin, it is your duty as a wife to confront him. As a wife, you must pray for your husband and respond with love and in a Christ-like manner. “And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.”” – 1 Peter 4:8. If he does not repent, speak to your priest for guidance on what the next step should be. That’s the most loving thing to do when a husband is living in unrepentant sin because his soul is at stake and it’s your duty to help him take care of it.

How should a Christian husband submit to his wife?

By submitting to his wife’s need to feel loved and listened to. Husbands are to be the head of the household and are responsible to lead their wives and children to the kingdom of heaven. They should not abuse this role and manipulate their wives to do something that is against God and wives should not take this for granted, they should respect this role and trust their husbands to lead them. In order for husbands to show their love to their wives it’s essential that he communicates lovingly, not with harshness and anger in situations.

When not to submit

The Bible never instructs us to submit to sin. When there is sin and disobedience, a spouse must respectfully and lovingly confront the sin. To look the other way or to ignore the sin in the name of “submission” is wrong, and actually condones and enables the sin to continue. Ephesians 5:11 says we are to have nothing to do with deeds of darkness but must expose them. Respecting and loving your husband or wife does not mean allowing him to continue in a life of sin.

Communication

So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:19-20

In marriage, what we say and how we say it matters a great deal; therefore, it’s important we practice effective communication skills in order to help our marriage. Effective communication is the same as the Bible’s secret to a good marriage: selflessness. Self-less communication means listening to what your partner has to say without interrupting them. It uses words to build and encourage, not destroy and hurt. Don’t get me wrong: pointing out your loved ones’ wrongs with humility and in love is not destroying or hurting them but should only be done with the intention to build them up. If we are self-focused and not paying attention to our spouse, we can miss important messages of love or pleas for help which can damage our marriage. Make time to genuinely check in on each other and make sure you are listening to each other. Learn to discover what your partner is saying and not what you think they are saying.

The structure of communication is like that of the airport. As soon as the plane has taken off, the control tower keeps track of it on its radar and notifies the pilot of every detail, small or large. When there is a breakdown in communication or a misunderstanding between the pilot and the control tower, the most horrific accidents can occur. Similar to this, poor communication in a marriage can lead to serious problems.

Let’s talk about how we can strengthen our communication :

Connect with your partner – by making an effort to set aside time each day to spend with them. Practice putting aside your tired self to ask “How was your day?” Good communication uses eye contact, or gentle physical touch to show concern.

Listening with interest – Learning to listen with interest is one of the most important skills that we can master in order to build strong connections with our partners. We should be mindful of their words and perspective, rather than simply waiting for a gap in the conversation to jump in with our opinion. By listening with interest, we are engaging actively in the conversation and showing how much we care about what our spouse has to say. This will not only strengthen our relationship but also help us gain insights into their thoughts and feelings.

Encourage and build- Practising the secret ingredient of humility is key when it comes to encouraging our partner. We must learn how to be humble and speak from the heart with love, grace, kindness, and understanding. By taking time to listen carefully and thoughtfully, we can better understand our partner’s perspective and find a way forward together. Good communication seeks to build up the other person through Scripture-based conversations that encourage them in their walk with God as well as their relationship with us. We can use these types of conversations to better understand one another as husband/wife, while also deepening our commitment to each other in Christ.

Taking initiative – Strive to be selfless by taking initiative, this means that we should not wait for our partner to satisfy us before we give them what they need. We need to focus on giving them what they need first before expecting anything in return – whether it be validation or recognition. By doing this, we show that we value the other person and their needs more than our own. Let’s say a husband can see that his wife is upset about something, let him make the effort to ask her what is wrong and see if there is anything he can do to make the situation better.

Be kind but firm – Your tone of voice speaks louder than words. Sometimes the way we say things can either make or break the conversation we are having. It is essential to understand the importance of using words and tones that are kind yet firm. Harsh words and angry tones are often triggers for conflict and disagreement, as they add fuel to the fire. We have all experienced it personally and seen it in the lives of others around us.

When we practice having conversations that are meaningful, mindful, and free from any traces of aggression or hostility, we can help create an environment where disagreements can be discussed without descending into chaos.

Remember, a harsh response to your spouse during conflict can make matters worse, while a gentle tone has the potential to bring resolution and healing. It’s like pouring gasoline on the fire vs pouring water on the fire; one will make things worse while the other will help put out the flames. So, when faced with a difficult situation, try responding gently and kindly for a better outcome for both of you. So how do we do that? By making an effort to control your emotions and responding more calmly by taking a breath, or going into another room and saying a prayer then returning back to the conversation with your partner.

When our words and actions are characterised by honesty and trust, love flourishes. Communicating with trust and honesty brings relief, peace, and security to your relationship.

These steps can take years to achieve within a marriage but as I mentioned previously, If you fail to practice these suggestions in your marriage, get back up, pray, and try again!

Conclusion

The Christian marriage is likened to Christ and the Church. The husband is an image of Christ, and the wife is the image of the church therefore, both have a huge responsibility in each other’s lives. Marriage is something very serious to commit to, it’s a journey that is full of constant ups and downs, sacrifices, and responsibility, it’s not something you can try and then later give up on it. Once you are in it, there is no turning back, both parties must put a lot of hard work in. If done with the involvement of God, this journey strengthens, blesses, and transforms the couple in order to help them and their family reach their end destination, the Kingdom of Heaven. Trust that God loves us and with His love we have the strength to radiate this love toward our partner and family. With the help of God, and the prayers of the saints, family, and friends, you can and you will have a successful and fruitful marriage!

Whenever you are unsure of something within your marriage, please make sure you involve God and speak to your priest for your guidance and advice. God bless you. If you have any questions about this relationship series please don’t hesitate to contact me at lettersdrawnear@gmail.com. I would appreciate any type of feedback!

The Christian “Marriage” Stage-Part 1

Hello. It’s been 9 months since I posted my last blog, sorry about that. It’s also been a very busy 9 months and each time I begin this blog, I get distracted. Moving forward, I solemnly swear I will be updating this blog more often and perhaps with some changes as well. For now, this is my last post on the Christian relationship series. So here it goes.

And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19:4-6

And now we reach ‘the marriage stage.’ In order for a Christian marriage to be sanctified it must be performed by a priest. This is where the holy spirit ties the two and makes them one! What an amazing and precious mystery this is. Glory be to His name! When Christians get married, they don’t get married because it’s just “the next step.” There’s more to it than that. Of course, there are obvious reasons, such as companionship, having children, building a life together, etc. The other reasons I talk about are much deeper and it’s that they get married because they have found the one that will help them on the journey back home (Kingdom of Heaven) I am my partner’s help and he is mine. When you enter a marriage, you and your partner enter a new territory, an arena where you need to constantly sacrifice your selfish desires. You no longer live for yourself but for your spouse.

Strip yourself of what “I want” and learn to give what is good for your partner, and vice versa. Marriage is an opportunity to share in the true love that God has given us and give it back to your partner without expecting anything in return. It gives us an opportunity to be transformed from selfishness to selflessness. “Like in everything else in our lives, marriage becomes not a goal in itself but a means to the greatest goal of all: our transformation into the image of the God of love.” – Two become one

Marriage is one of the hardest, most frustrating, amazing, and most humbling experiences you will have in your life. Luckily for us Christians, we have the Bible and the Church to help us along this journey. Let’s talk about some pillars of marriage that I believe are important in today’s world. Love, Humility, Submission & Communication.

Love: Marriage is the time when you learn to truly know what love is and how to love your partner. There is no love like God’s love, and that is the source of love that we Christians have access to; it’s the love that we can learn from and share if we are willing. It is not the love that the world offers, not even close. It is a love that hurts, transforms, strengthens, and renews us. No one can imitate this love without the help of God. Of course, we learn to practice this love throughout our marriage journey; it is not something that we magically acquire as soon as we marry; it requires time and patience, and I believe this is why we see a lot of marriage breakups: they chose not to put the hard work in. They seem not to “love” each other anymore. When we love with God’s love, this excuse can never be used because God’s love is not a love that expires; only the world’s meaning of love can do that.

How do we acquire this love? by remembering the source of this love, which is God. His love is like a fountain that is unconditional and constantly flowing, and with that love, He loves us! When we remember this, we should aim to practice this same love toward our partner. Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Now that we have an idea of the kind of love we should be aiming for, we continue on to the next pillars.

Humility

“Every good marriage begins with a funeral: the death of our selfish, independent, and arrogant ways.”

Where love reigns, each person willingly submits to, freely gives to, and seeks the well-being of the other. Humility frees us from the chains of ego and allows us to fly free in unconditional self-giving. Before we are to be submissive to each other, we need to understand the step before that: humility.

“A humble person is generally thought to be unpretentious and modest—someone who does not think that he or she is better or more important than others.” Source.

There is no longer an “I” in the marriage; it is now solely focused on what is good for my partner and vice versa. This virtue is a very difficult one to work towards because, in most of our lives, the world tells us it’s all about what ‘I’ want, and when we go into a Christian marriage, that gets turned upside down because our lives no longer revolve around ‘I, but around ‘them,” which is our partner. Sometimes our upbringing can affect our perception of how to practice this; perhaps we have been brought up in a household where we have been put in a bubble of selfishness, and for most of our lives, everything has always been about “me” or maybe our parents never practiced humility towards each other. Well, marriage is the opportunity for us to be transformed and renewed for the best! Let it be our goal to aim for humility in marriage; this may take years and years, but keep at it. If you fail to practice humility in your marriage, get back up and try again! You don’t gain muscles by going to the gym for 1 week; you keep going for weeks and weeks through the pain, then you start to see results, even if they are small! Same as any other virtue, especially humility.

Let’s look at some examples of what it means to practice humility within a marriage.

You just had a small argument over something that was misunderstood and now you haven’t been talking for the whole day, even if it’s not your fault, go and apologise first. Always make an effort to be on good terms before you sleep.

If your husband or wife tries to do something nice for you such as cook you a meal, do the shopping, etc. But they don’t do it “your way” don’t complain about it, show you are thankful, and appreciate the effort.

Other examples:

When you are in the wrong, own up to it.
Be grateful for what you have and don’t pressure your husband or wife to be someone they are not.
Understand your faults and weaknesses.
Don’t compare your relationship with other couples.

“Do you wish to lead a proper life? Then exercise humility. If you refuse to do this, it is impossible to share or lead a good life.” -St. Ephraim the Syrian.

Stayed tuned for part 2! If you have any questions, feel free to email me at lettersdrawnear@gmail.com. God bless!

The Christian “Engaged” stage.

The engagement stage is the next stage on which I’d like to shed some light; there is a lot to discuss at this stage, but I’ll stick to the most important points. Call me crazy, but I believe that all of the topics listed below are critical to a couple’s relationship because marriage is a serious commitment that should not be taken lightly. I’m sharing this information to assist others in taking this critical step in their lives. I hope it makes a difference in your life. As previously stated, everything I share is based on Christian marriage books I’ve read, the Bible, and personal experiences I’ve lived, heard, and witnessed.

It’s safe to assume that when a couple reaches the engagement stage, their relationship is serious. At this point, it is still safe for couples to determine whether or not they are compatible. If you realise you’re not compatible with your partner after continuous prayer and guidance, don’t feel obligated to stay in the relationship just because you’re engaged, even if it’s a day before the wedding. Nothing is worse than realising you won’t be able to live with someone while still going through the marriage. Side note: I’ve noticed that some men and women go into denial when they begin to notice their partner’s unchanging and damaging characteristics. They believe that this is it, that this is the one and only person for them, and that they will not be able to find anyone else like them, so they accept them as they are for the time being and convince themselves that they will be able to change them later. This is wrong and damaging to both partners. Occasionally, the partner with the unchanging and harmful characteristics convinces the other that they will never find someone like them, and so on. Please be cautious of people like this.

Here are the topics I find most important to work on and discuss when at the engagement stage:

Get to know each other well: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6. Both partners must be their true, authentic, and honest selves so that you can truly get to know each other. Spending time with your spouse’s family and friends, as well as learning about what activities your spouse is interested in and vice versa is an important part of getting to know each other. It’s critical that you both discover these things while you’re still in this stage because they’ll help you decide whether or not you’re compatible with each other. You don’t want to figure these things out while you’re married because you might not be able to approve some of them, and it’ll be much more difficult to accept them by then. Keep in mind that there is a line that must be drawn as Christians. For example, are the activities in which your partner participates fruitful or not so much? Are their friends a positive or negative influence on them? Is their family overly or underly involved in your relationship? Keep all of these things in mind, and remember that if there is something you can’t live with, don’t wait until you’re married to address it, address it now.

Transparency- He who speaks truth declares righteousness, But a false witness, deceit. Proverbs 12:17 .This is linked to getting to know your partner and being open and honest with them and if not done properly, this could be the root of many problems within your relationship. Smartphones and social media have a huge impact on our lives these days, and if we don’t use them properly, they can be very harmful to our relationships. I believe that couples should be able to leave their phones with their spouses and not be concerned if the other looks through them because we shouldn’t be hiding anything from each other. For example, if I leave my phone in a room with my husband, I have no objection to him looking through it; perhaps he needs to use an app or search for a photo I took, or whatever. The bottom line is that I trust him and he trusts me; there’s no need for me to keep an eye on him while he holds my phone in his hand, and there’s no need for him to dig through my phone for secrets or private messages because we’re both open and honest with each other. This is critical because it puts both of us at ease and ensures that we are not concealing anything; in fact, it strengthens our bond. Another thing I believe is that once a couple is married, they should share their bank account. Unless there is a valid reason for them to have two accounts, I strongly advise them to only have one, as this promotes transparency and allows you to see what you and your partner are spending the most money on, allowing you to possibly assist each other in saving in certain ways. If a couple needs two or more accounts, that’s fine, but they should be open about the details of the other accounts as well. If their husband or wife has access to these separate accounts, neither of them should be concerned. The items and money we own are no longer “mine,” but rather “ours.”

You may think these topics are irrelevant or strange to discuss, but trust me when I say that it eliminates any doubts, and there’s nothing better than being open, honest, and transparent.

Chastity– Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10. Being engaged does not give us permission to have intimate relations with our partner. The best thing you and your partner can do is avoid any form of intimate relations, such as kissing, spending time alone in a room with the door shut, making out, and so on. It’s very easy to get carried away with one of these actions, leading to other intimate thoughts and actions, and before you know it, you’ve gone too far. My advice is to always discuss this topic openly with your partner and draw lines. Intimacy is a gift that God has given to us to use once we are married, not before. It makes it more worthwhile to wait, and it instills discipline in both you and your partner. Make no excuses for breaking your chastity.

Spirituality- St. John Chrysostom says “For indeed a house is a little Church. Thus it is possible for us by becoming good husbands and wives, to surpass all others.” Now is an important time to start laying the groundwork for your spirituality as a couple. Attend Church services together, such as Sunday mass, bible studies, or preaching, if you haven’t already. Once a week, read and discuss a verse together or say a prayer together. Setting a realistic foundation of spiritual activities early in your relationship is critical. When my husband and I were in this stage, we used to read and reflect on one of the readings from the Holy Liturgy on Sundays after church. If you don’t like to read, you could go to a prayer service together at your local church or go for a walk and talk about spiritual topics. Not only will you grow spiritually and rely on God’s presence in your lives as a result of laying these strong spiritual foundations together, but it will also be a beautiful habit you can pass on to your future family.

Wedding- Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Romans 12:9 This is also the time when you and your future spouse begin to discuss the details of your wedding. Unfortunately, many weddings have now devolved into a competition to see who can spend the most money, hire the best designer to create their gowns, and waste money on frivolous items. For example, something unnecessary and odd I’ve seen couples start to do these days is shooting smoke guns at the crowd while listening to extremely loud music in the background. I’m not sure what the significance is, but I’m sure it’s not a necessity for a wedding but rather an unnecessary expense.

Weddings are extremely expensive these days, and couples are under a lot of pressure to keep up with the latest trends. By succumbing to these irrational expenses, the true meaning of marriage has been lost. Don’t get me wrong: it’s fine to have nice things at our weddings, but there needs to be a line drawn somewhere. We should strive to bring glory to God through our weddings as Christians. How do we go about doing that? We must put the idea of pleasing people out of our minds and focus on pleasing God by keeping our wedding simple and modest. To get into more detail on how we can bring glory to God through our wedding, don’t overspend on dresses, suits, makeup, hair, flowers, cars, receptions, and all the other things that come with it. When it comes to food, entertainment, and services, be generous and respectful to your visitors. Be cautious of the songs chosen or played on the night; what are the lyrics? Make an effort to choose appropriate songs to be played before the wedding day. Yes, it only happens once, but use this once to give glory to our Creator, who has sanctified marriage as a gift.

Living – “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Ephesians 5:31. It’s also a good time to talk about your living arrangements, including where you plan to live and with whom, as this can have an impact on your relationship. Some couples choose to live with their in-laws for a short or long period of time, while others choose to live on their own. If you go with the first option, make sure you get to know your in-laws and family well. Will they be a part of your relationship with your husband? Will they have an impact on your relationship or the decisions you and your partner make together? Is there going to be anyone else in the house? You should talk about these with your partner and decide where the lines should be drawn. Living with other people has the risk of influencing decisions that should only be made by a wife and husband together, which can lead to problems. With love and respect, a married couple should not be afraid to tell their parents not to get overly involved. Remember, you’re about to move in with your future wife or husband, and you want to be able to get to know each other’s living habits and routines. When family members become overly involved, it can be detrimental to your relationship and marriage’s flow.

If there is a topic you think I have missed, please let me know in the comments below or email me at mirnamakko@hotmail.com. Here are some book suggestions for single individuals and those who are yet to be engaged or are engaged.
On Marriage and Family Life: St. John Chrysostom & Two Become One: An Orthodox Christian Guide to Engagement and Marriage

The Christian “Seeing each other” stage.

Hello, it’s been a long time since I’ve written anything on here; distractions and idleness had taken over. I’ll do my best to post something new on a regular basis, God willing. This next topic has been on my mind for a while, and I’m not sure where to begin because there is so much to cover… Maybe I’ll just start with the basics… Marriage! I know I’ve only been married for a year and a half and I don’t think I’ve had much experience, I still have a lot to learn as we’ve only recently started our marriage journey. I will share with you what I know, what I believe to be true, and what I’ve read and experienced. If you are a Christian and have plans on marrying, then this one is for you.

Unfortunately, I’ve been hearing a lot of couples filing for divorce these days for reasons that could have been avoided from the start. Marriage is not something you can “try out” and then decide if it’s right for you, contrary to popular belief. The world has truly transformed the word marriage into their own interpretation of what marriage is and should entail. We can almost compare their concept of marriage to that of a new phone; when we’re tired of our old phone, we can easily get rid of it and replace it with a new one. I believe this is what marriage has become, and Christian couples are falling into this trap as well. This is the first in a series of posts about marriage. Today, I’d like to start by talking about the two steps before marriage, the “seeing each other” stage. This stage is crucial and should not be rushed, but it should also not last too long.

Before we enter a relationship, there is a question we must ask ourselves, are we ready? Are we ready to commit to someone else, to spend time with them and less time with our friends and activities? Do we know ourselves? Where do we place God in our lives? What are our struggles and weaknesses? These questions are all very important to know before we enter into a relationship.

The “seeing each other stage” When looking for a partner or if they find you first, it’s really important that you involve God in this step; if we let Him, He will lead us in the right direction and give us clarity. When my Christian friends ask me, what qualities should I look for in a partner, the first thing I tell them is that they must be God-fearing. What does that exactly mean? It means someone who loves God above all, someone who is a Christian by action and not words & someone who is active in the Church. (the partner searching should also be God-fearing.)

Many Christians believe they can find a partner outside of the church and then convert them to Christianity or get them to attend church on a regular basis once they are married. Sure, it might work for a small percentage of the time, but you’re fooling yourself and setting yourself up for failure the majority of the time. I cannot emphasise enough the importance of having God as the head of your life and relationship, which means that both of you must have a strong relationship with God before moving on to a more serious stage, because God is the Creator of love! And He has the ability to do incredible things in your relationship with your partner. We love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19. I really believe it is very difficult to have a successful marriage without God as the head. His love fuels our love for another, so just imagine, how much you and your partner can love one another with His love! (This can be another topic on its own)

Once you’ve determined that they are God-fearing, you must continue to spend time together and get to know each other as much as you can. Knowing your partner is another important step. Perhaps your personalities clash or they have some harmless habits you cannot live with? (Don’t try and change them) or maybe they have damaging weaknesses or struggles? A lot of the time people see their partner’s weakness or struggles during this stage of their relationship and tell themselves “oh, he or she will change when we are married” NO they will not. Do not fall for that trap! For example, If my partner is struggling with gossip or has a tendency to abuse me via verbal or physical means, during this stage of our relationship, I will not wait until we get married to see if they will stop these things. I’ll address them straight away with them, if they agree their actions are damaging and want help, I now have to work on helping them to get rid of these habits and monitor to see if there are changes down the track, if there are no changes, I need to ask myself, is this something I can live with? e.g my partner constantly gossiping? Or my partner abusing me verbally or physically? If the answer is no, then there’s no need to go further. Some people notice this at the engagement stage or just before the wedding, don’t think you’re too far in. You are too far in when you say “I do” and you do not mean or believe it.

To end, I’m not saying you or your partner have to be perfect, but please make sure you spend the right amount of time getting to know them, their personality, and if their weaknesses/struggles are something you can live with forever & vice versa. Because once you are married you discover a lot more about your partner and you need to be ready to help and love them regardless of these things. Don’t allow the thought of a wedding and being married to allow you to rush this step. God bless you and give you guidance always. If you have any questions, please feel free to comment or email me: mirnamakko@hotmail.com

γεια σου! Life in Greece

Hello, many of you have asked me how life is in Greece, how things are going, and so on. To make life easier for all of us, I decided to write about my experience here. Just to give you some background, my husband and I chose to move to Greece by God’s grace and with the guidance of our Bishop in order to assist our Assyrian community here in connecting with the Church and maintaining our beloved language. We’ve only been here for four months and have only had a taste of what it’s like to live abroad.

I will share what I know so far and that is that we are enjoying our time here, meeting our community, spreading the Word of God, learning a new language, and adapting to a new culture that is not so different from our Assyrian culture. Safe to say, we have a lot of things in common, so there’s no culture shock for us, thank God. Something amazing is that the Greek Orthodox Church has a big influence on the country, some would say they are as powerful as the government here. Some of the country’s public holidays and breaks, to name a few, coincide with the Church calendar throughout the year: The feast of the Epiphany, Pentecost, and St. Mary’s Commemoration are all public holidays. It’s not uncommon to see a priest walking around the city or down the street, or to hear the sound of church bells on a daily basis, or to see a church! Being surrounded by all of these things is truly a blessing.

It’s interesting to note that all of the shops are closed on Sundays, which I assume is due to Sunday being a holy day. There are some exceptions when stores are open on Sunday, but they are rare. These are definitely some of my favourite aspects of the country! According to my observations, the people here are friendly and live a relatively simple lifestyle; life is not as hectic as it is in Sydney, which is a welcome change and relief for us. The Greeks enjoy spending time with one another over delicious food and taking their time. In fact, there are a few days during the year when you sit with your loved ones all day, eat, and catch up; I’ve heard it’s an all-day affair, haha! One of those days is known as “Tsiknopempti,” and it is observed 11 days before the Great Fast begins. On this day, everyone in the neighbourhood has a bbq on their roof with their loved ones and picks at it all day! You smell it all day in the air!

The suburb where we live is known to have always had Assyrians in it, and this is still the case today. If you tell one of your Assyrian relatives about “Egaleo,” they will almost certainly be familiar with the area. We currently have the largest number of Assyrians living here, around 40, with others dispersed throughout Athens and Greece. I’m sure there are plenty more Assyrians that we haven’t discovered yet. Please contact me if you have any relatives who live in this area!

We love our neighbourhood; it feels unusually like home to us, and I believe our Assyrian neighbours have contributed to this. It’s not your posh, modern neighbourhood; it’s humble, old, and far removed from the stereotypical image of Greece, but it’s just right! Believe it or not, it only takes us 6 minutes to get to the heart of Athens city via metro! Going into Sydney’s city was always a chore for me, haha!

We are looking forward to the summer because our neighbours have raved about it. For what seems like an eternity, we’ve been stuck in winter. There hasn’t been a day in the last four months when I’ve left the house wearing only one layer of clothing! The minimum is always two or more. I believe the Greeks hibernate during the winter; we rarely see anyone outside when it’s cold. Today was different, there were a lot more people out and about today because it was a nice and warm day. In the summer, it’s apparently normal to go out to a cafe/restaurant at 9 p.m., have dinner around 10 p.m., and not return until the early hours of the morning, regardless of age! What amazes me is that they have work the next day and that does not stop them. My Sydney heart and mind can’t do it; I adore sleeping, and no amount of food or company can prevent me from doing so… But, who knows, Greece may or may not change my mind about that, haha. When it comes to sleeping, it is pretty normal here in the summer to sleep on the roof of your building! They did the same thing in Syria and Iraq. That is something I am willing to try.

Another thing you’ll notice here is a lot of homeless people. Many businesses and people suffered as a result of the crisis, and they are still recovering, which is heartbreaking to see. There are also many empty shops and buildings, which I assume is for the same reason. I hope things improve for them here. Even though they don’t appear to have much here, they manage to find time to relax and enjoy each other’s company and I find that very special.

Some have asked if we have ever felt homesick; yes, there have been times when we have, but we always remind ourselves that we have been given the opportunity to spread God’s word and help others rediscover a sense of belonging to the community they once belonged to. That is the most important thing in our lives; the rest will be taken care of by God’s Grace and Mercy. Thank God for technology, we get to speak to our loved ones as often as we want via video and that fills that gap we have at times. I am sure there is so much more to learn about living here, after all, we have only been here for 4 months. That’s all from me folks!

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask me in the comments below or privately. God bless and Καλημερα!

Why does it hurt to give?

We see a homeless man asking for money as we walk through the city, we ourselves that we would give him money, but he might use it for harmful things and only make his situation worse, so we decide not to give him anything and continue on our way. Is that the real reason why we don’t want to give to someone? Or is there a deeper reason for our choice? Perhaps, we are concerned about losing money, or perhaps we believe “what’s the point? We don’t receive nothing in return!” Unlike when we make a purchase, at least we have something to show for that! There are a variety of reasons why we are hesitant to help those who are in need, but why?

There are times when I find myself in this position, making excuses for not helping those who are in need. I then recall a book I’ve read before by St. John Chrysostom that dealt with wealth and poverty. St. John addresses the human dilemma of compassion and judgment, in regard to wealth and poverty. St. John presents six sermons on these subjects, based on the story of the Rich Man and Lazarus (Luke 16:19-31). It’s well worth your time to read! Even if you consider yourself to be a generous giver, you should read it!

A short excerpt from the book that I’d like to focus on:
“If we provide for those in need, we shall obtain great plenty. This is why God has allowed you to have more: not for you to waste on prostitutes, drink, fancy food, expensive clothes, and all the other kinds of indolence, but for you to distribute to those in need. Just as an official in the imperial treasury, if he neglects to distribute where he is ordered but spends instead for his own indolence, pays the penalty, and is put to death, so also the rich man is a kind of steward of the money which is owed for distribution to the poor. He is directed to distribute it to his fellow servants who are in want. So if he spends more on himself than his need requires, he will pay the harshest penalty hereafter. For his own goods are not his own, but belong to his fellow servants. Therefore let us use our goods sparingly, as belonging to others, so that they may become our own. How shall we use them sparingly, as belonging to others? When we do not spend them beyond our needs, and do not spend for our needs only, but give equal shares into the hands of the poor. If you are affluent but spend more than you need, you will give an account of the funds which were entrusted to you. This happens also in great households. Many people have entrusted their financial affairs to their household servants. Those who have received this trust keep what has been given to them, and do not misuse the money, but distribute it where and when their master directs. You also must do this. For you have obtained more than others have, and you have received it, not to spend it for yourself, but to become a good steward for others as well.”
We might read this and think to ourselves, “Oh, I’m not rich, so this doesn’t apply to me.” And financially that may be true, but what about our true riches? We are rich if we have loved ones around us, a roof over our heads, food, and clean water, a job, and a car. Those of us who have all of these things and more have a responsibility to help those who are in need.

So, to return to my title, why does it hurt to give? Giving hurts because we are attached to the things we own, such as money, possessions, and so on. Because we THINK we own these things in our heads, it’s difficult to let go of the notion of what’s “mine.” As a result, when the opportunity to give presents itself, we find it difficult to let go because we don’t want to lose “our” possessions.
When we begin to think in the opposite way, “these things are not mine but are for others to share in,” we become free of our attachment to material possessions; it’s an amazing feeling to be free of them! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating for giving away all of your assets so that you and your family can suffer, but rather a return to a more simple way of living. According to the reading above, St. John is telling us not to overspend on ourselves, but rather to spend on our needs and give the rest to those in need.

This world has taught us that owning the things we acquire on this earth is good and right, that we should build up and hold on to them, and that we should constantly indulge ourselves in a life of comfort. Is it possible that we’ve fallen into this trap? If that’s the case, it’s not too late for a change in mindset. We become a changed, and stronger Christian when we realize that these possessions are not for me, but for others.

To end, look at what our merciful God tells us in Luke 6:38:
“Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.”

When we start to give without worrying, without thinking, without this idea of ownership over our possessions, God blesses us even more! With that being said, that shouldn’t be our intention to give, our intention should always be out of love and mercy towards our brothers and sisters in need. God bless and strengthen you always.
If you have any questions or comments, I’d love to hear from you!

Four Forms of Prayer

Here are four types of prayer that we can all incorporate into our prayer lives if we haven’t already.

The Christian life is incomplete without prayer. Jesus Christ prayed and taught others how to pray. A Christian cannot be a follower of Christ if he or she does not pray to God. Consider this: you refer to someone as a friend, but you never communicate with them or acknowledge them throughout the day; you consider yourself a good friend, but you have no relationship with them. This is also true of God; how can we call Him our God and ourselves Christians unless we communicate with Him? Prayer is powerful and it’s never too late to start. May the Lord strengthen your prayer life and draw you nearer to Him. If you liked this infographic, please share it and let me know if you’d like to see more!

St John Chrysostom’s Homily on Fasting

Source: The Life of Blessed Xenia of St. Petersburg, ST. XENIA FOOL-FOR-CHRIST

An excerpt from St. John Chrysostom’s Homily on fasting. I absolutely love reading St. John’s writings; whenever I read something he’s written, I feel as if he’s a friend convicting me in love.

“Fasting is a medicine. But medicine, as beneficial as it is, becomes useless because of the inexperience of the user. He has to know the appropriate time that the medicine should be taken and the right amount of medicine and the condition of the body which is to take it, the weather conditions and the season of the year and the appropriate diet of the sick and many other things. If any of these things are overlooked, the medicine will do more harm than good. So, if one who is going to heal the body needs so much accuracy, when we care for the soul and are concerned about healing it from bad thoughts, it is necessary to examine and observe everything with every possible detail.

Fasting is the change of every part of our life, because the sacrifice of the fast is not the abstinence but the distancing from sins. Therefore, whoever limits the fast to the deprivation of food, he is the one who, in reality, abhors and ridicules the fast. Are you fasting? Show me your fast with your works. Which works? If you see someone who is poor, show him mercy. If you see an enemy, reconcile with him. If you see a friend who is becoming successful, do not be jealous of him! If you see a beautiful woman on the street, pass her by.

In other words, not only should the mouth fast, but the eyes and the legs and the arms and all the other parts of the body should fast as well. Let the hands fast, remaining clean from stealing and greediness. Let the legs fast, avoiding roads which lead to sinful sights. Let the eyes fast by not fixing themselves on beautiful faces and by not observing the beauty of others. You are not eating meat, are you? You should not eat debauchery with your eyes as well. Let your hearing also fast. The fast of hearing is not to accept bad talk against others and sly defamations.

Let the mouth fast from disgraceful and abusive words, because, what gain is there when, on the one hand we avoid eating chicken and fish and, on the other, we chew-up and consume our brothers? He who condemns and blasphemes is as if he has eaten brotherly meat, as if he has bitten into the flesh of his fellow man. It is because of this that Paul frightened us, saying:

“If you chew up and consume one another be careful that you do not annihilate yourselves.”

You did not thrust your teeth into the flesh (of your neighbor) but you thrust bad talk in his soul; you wounded it by spreading infamy, causing inestimable damage both to yourself, to him, and to many others. “

May we all find strength and be on guard during this fast! Satan will be fighting hard, attacking us at any oppurtinity he finds. God bless and protect you always.