Continuing on from part 1…
Submission
Submission in marriage requires sacrifice, service, accountability, and mutual respect for each other; it is not slavery, abuse, or a woman’s call to silence. The Christian marriage is built on love, and love is anything but the desire to control. When a husband submits to the Lord, he can then submit to his wife by loving her, which then will help him lead his wife, nurturing her God-given talents, so she can confidently submit to him.
“Submitting to one another in the fear of God. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. “For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:21-33
Note that the very first line in the Ephesians passage above directs both the husband and the wife to submit to each other. Not just the wife, but the husband also must be submissive. In fact, the husband is called to an even more drastic form of submission: he is called to be ready to give his life for his wife, as Christ did for the Church. If his very life is required of him by love, then how much more is required the much smaller sacrifices.
There has been a big misunderstanding of the word submission and the worth of men and women in God’s eyes. Of course, the world likes to take the words of God and twist them to their own liking to distract the Christian. But let’s be clear, in the above passage verse 21, St. Paul is reminding husbands and wives to be submissive to each other, not just wives. Just to be clear, God loves women and men equally for we are His creation! It is safe to say though that men and women are different in their needs and roles. Everyone has their own responsibility within their household whether it is spiritual or physical.
How should a Christian wife submit to her husband?
By acknowledging that he is the head of the house and that his final decision on matters should be respected. Through respect and love; wives should not treat their husbands lightly, but with reverence. Wives should never treat their husbands like they’re of little weight. Some wives interrupt their husbands, or they’re dismissive of their husband’s thoughts or words. They treat his leadership and direction as though it’s unimportant.
When wives love their husbands, they try to please their husbands in their speech, dress, behavior, the company they keep, how they manage the home, and the way they raise their children. But there is a balance to this. Love doesn’t only seek to please others. 1 Corinthians 13:6 says that when a wife loves her husband, she does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices “with the truth.” If your husband is living in sin, it is your duty as a wife to confront him. As a wife, you must pray for your husband and respond with love and in a Christ-like manner. “And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.”” – 1 Peter 4:8. If he does not repent, speak to your priest for guidance on what the next step should be. That’s the most loving thing to do when a husband is living in unrepentant sin because his soul is at stake and it’s your duty to help him take care of it.
How should a Christian husband submit to his wife?
By submitting to his wife’s need to feel loved and listened to. Husbands are to be the head of the household and are responsible to lead their wives and children to the kingdom of heaven. They should not abuse this role and manipulate their wives to do something that is against God and wives should not take this for granted, they should respect this role and trust their husbands to lead them. In order for husbands to show their love to their wives it’s essential that he communicates lovingly, not with harshness and anger in situations.
When not to submit
The Bible never instructs us to submit to sin. When there is sin and disobedience, a spouse must respectfully and lovingly confront the sin. To look the other way or to ignore the sin in the name of “submission” is wrong, and actually condones and enables the sin to continue. Ephesians 5:11 says we are to have nothing to do with deeds of darkness but must expose them. Respecting and loving your husband or wife does not mean allowing him to continue in a life of sin.
Communication
So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:19-20
In marriage, what we say and how we say it matters a great deal; therefore, it’s important we practice effective communication skills in order to help our marriage. Effective communication is the same as the Bible’s secret to a good marriage: selflessness. Self-less communication means listening to what your partner has to say without interrupting them. It uses words to build and encourage, not destroy and hurt. Don’t get me wrong: pointing out your loved ones’ wrongs with humility and in love is not destroying or hurting them but should only be done with the intention to build them up. If we are self-focused and not paying attention to our spouse, we can miss important messages of love or pleas for help which can damage our marriage. Make time to genuinely check in on each other and make sure you are listening to each other. Learn to discover what your partner is saying and not what you think they are saying.
The structure of communication is like that of the airport. As soon as the plane has taken off, the control tower keeps track of it on its radar and notifies the pilot of every detail, small or large. When there is a breakdown in communication or a misunderstanding between the pilot and the control tower, the most horrific accidents can occur. Similar to this, poor communication in a marriage can lead to serious problems.
Let’s talk about how we can strengthen our communication :
Connect with your partner – by making an effort to set aside time each day to spend with them. Practice putting aside your tired self to ask “How was your day?” Good communication uses eye contact, or gentle physical touch to show concern.
Listening with interest – Learning to listen with interest is one of the most important skills that we can master in order to build strong connections with our partners. We should be mindful of their words and perspective, rather than simply waiting for a gap in the conversation to jump in with our opinion. By listening with interest, we are engaging actively in the conversation and showing how much we care about what our spouse has to say. This will not only strengthen our relationship but also help us gain insights into their thoughts and feelings.
Encourage and build- Practising the secret ingredient of humility is key when it comes to encouraging our partner. We must learn how to be humble and speak from the heart with love, grace, kindness, and understanding. By taking time to listen carefully and thoughtfully, we can better understand our partner’s perspective and find a way forward together. Good communication seeks to build up the other person through Scripture-based conversations that encourage them in their walk with God as well as their relationship with us. We can use these types of conversations to better understand one another as husband/wife, while also deepening our commitment to each other in Christ.
Taking initiative – Strive to be selfless by taking initiative, this means that we should not wait for our partner to satisfy us before we give them what they need. We need to focus on giving them what they need first before expecting anything in return – whether it be validation or recognition. By doing this, we show that we value the other person and their needs more than our own. Let’s say a husband can see that his wife is upset about something, let him make the effort to ask her what is wrong and see if there is anything he can do to make the situation better.
Be kind but firm – Your tone of voice speaks louder than words. Sometimes the way we say things can either make or break the conversation we are having. It is essential to understand the importance of using words and tones that are kind yet firm. Harsh words and angry tones are often triggers for conflict and disagreement, as they add fuel to the fire. We have all experienced it personally and seen it in the lives of others around us.
When we practice having conversations that are meaningful, mindful, and free from any traces of aggression or hostility, we can help create an environment where disagreements can be discussed without descending into chaos.
Remember, a harsh response to your spouse during conflict can make matters worse, while a gentle tone has the potential to bring resolution and healing. It’s like pouring gasoline on the fire vs pouring water on the fire; one will make things worse while the other will help put out the flames. So, when faced with a difficult situation, try responding gently and kindly for a better outcome for both of you. So how do we do that? By making an effort to control your emotions and responding more calmly by taking a breath, or going into another room and saying a prayer then returning back to the conversation with your partner.
When our words and actions are characterised by honesty and trust, love flourishes. Communicating with trust and honesty brings relief, peace, and security to your relationship.
These steps can take years to achieve within a marriage but as I mentioned previously, If you fail to practice these suggestions in your marriage, get back up, pray, and try again!
Conclusion
The Christian marriage is likened to Christ and the Church. The husband is an image of Christ, and the wife is the image of the church therefore, both have a huge responsibility in each other’s lives. Marriage is something very serious to commit to, it’s a journey that is full of constant ups and downs, sacrifices, and responsibility, it’s not something you can try and then later give up on it. Once you are in it, there is no turning back, both parties must put a lot of hard work in. If done with the involvement of God, this journey strengthens, blesses, and transforms the couple in order to help them and their family reach their end destination, the Kingdom of Heaven. Trust that God loves us and with His love we have the strength to radiate this love toward our partner and family. With the help of God, and the prayers of the saints, family, and friends, you can and you will have a successful and fruitful marriage!
Whenever you are unsure of something within your marriage, please make sure you involve God and speak to your priest for your guidance and advice. God bless you. If you have any questions about this relationship series please don’t hesitate to contact me at lettersdrawnear@gmail.com. I would appreciate any type of feedback!
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