Hello. It’s been 9 months since I posted my last blog, sorry about that. It’s also been a very busy 9 months and each time I begin this blog, I get distracted. Moving forward, I solemnly swear I will be updating this blog more often and perhaps with some changes as well. For now, this is my last post on the Christian relationship series. So here it goes.
And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19:4-6
And now we reach ‘the marriage stage.’ In order for a Christian marriage to be sanctified it must be performed by a priest. This is where the holy spirit ties the two and makes them one! What an amazing and precious mystery this is. Glory be to His name! When Christians get married, they don’t get married because it’s just “the next step.” There’s more to it than that. Of course, there are obvious reasons, such as companionship, having children, building a life together, etc. The other reasons I talk about are much deeper and it’s that they get married because they have found the one that will help them on the journey back home (Kingdom of Heaven) I am my partner’s help and he is mine. When you enter a marriage, you and your partner enter a new territory, an arena where you need to constantly sacrifice your selfish desires. You no longer live for yourself but for your spouse.
Strip yourself of what “I want” and learn to give what is good for your partner, and vice versa. Marriage is an opportunity to share in the true love that God has given us and give it back to your partner without expecting anything in return. It gives us an opportunity to be transformed from selfishness to selflessness. “Like in everything else in our lives, marriage becomes not a goal in itself but a means to the greatest goal of all: our transformation into the image of the God of love.” – Two become one
Marriage is one of the hardest, most frustrating, amazing, and most humbling experiences you will have in your life. Luckily for us Christians, we have the Bible and the Church to help us along this journey. Let’s talk about some pillars of marriage that I believe are important in today’s world. Love, Humility, Submission & Communication.
Love: Marriage is the time when you learn to truly know what love is and how to love your partner. There is no love like God’s love, and that is the source of love that we Christians have access to; it’s the love that we can learn from and share if we are willing. It is not the love that the world offers, not even close. It is a love that hurts, transforms, strengthens, and renews us. No one can imitate this love without the help of God. Of course, we learn to practice this love throughout our marriage journey; it is not something that we magically acquire as soon as we marry; it requires time and patience, and I believe this is why we see a lot of marriage breakups: they chose not to put the hard work in. They seem not to “love” each other anymore. When we love with God’s love, this excuse can never be used because God’s love is not a love that expires; only the world’s meaning of love can do that.
How do we acquire this love? by remembering the source of this love, which is God. His love is like a fountain that is unconditional and constantly flowing, and with that love, He loves us! When we remember this, we should aim to practice this same love toward our partner. Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Now that we have an idea of the kind of love we should be aiming for, we continue on to the next pillars.
Humility
“Every good marriage begins with a funeral: the death of our selfish, independent, and arrogant ways.”
Where love reigns, each person willingly submits to, freely gives to, and seeks the well-being of the other. Humility frees us from the chains of ego and allows us to fly free in unconditional self-giving. Before we are to be submissive to each other, we need to understand the step before that: humility.
“A humble person is generally thought to be unpretentious and modest—someone who does not think that he or she is better or more important than others.” Source.
There is no longer an “I” in the marriage; it is now solely focused on what is good for my partner and vice versa. This virtue is a very difficult one to work towards because, in most of our lives, the world tells us it’s all about what ‘I’ want, and when we go into a Christian marriage, that gets turned upside down because our lives no longer revolve around ‘I, but around ‘them,” which is our partner. Sometimes our upbringing can affect our perception of how to practice this; perhaps we have been brought up in a household where we have been put in a bubble of selfishness, and for most of our lives, everything has always been about “me” or maybe our parents never practiced humility towards each other. Well, marriage is the opportunity for us to be transformed and renewed for the best! Let it be our goal to aim for humility in marriage; this may take years and years, but keep at it. If you fail to practice humility in your marriage, get back up and try again! You don’t gain muscles by going to the gym for 1 week; you keep going for weeks and weeks through the pain, then you start to see results, even if they are small! Same as any other virtue, especially humility.
Let’s look at some examples of what it means to practice humility within a marriage.
You just had a small argument over something that was misunderstood and now you haven’t been talking for the whole day, even if it’s not your fault, go and apologise first. Always make an effort to be on good terms before you sleep.
Or
If your husband or wife tries to do something nice for you such as cook you a meal, do the shopping, etc. But they don’t do it “your way” don’t complain about it, show you are thankful, and appreciate the effort.
Other examples:
- When you are in the wrong, own up to it.
- Be grateful for what you have and don’t pressure your husband or wife to be someone they are not.
- Understand your faults and weaknesses.
- Don’t compare your relationship with other couples.
“Do you wish to lead a proper life? Then exercise humility. If you refuse to do this, it is impossible to share or lead a good life.” -St. Ephraim the Syrian.
Stayed tuned for part 2! If you have any questions, feel free to email me at lettersdrawnear@gmail.com. God bless!
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