Hello, it’s been a long time since I’ve written anything on here; distractions and idleness had taken over. I’ll do my best to post something new on a regular basis, God willing. This next topic has been on my mind for a while, and I’m not sure where to begin because there is so much to cover… Maybe I’ll just start with the basics… Marriage! I know I’ve only been married for a year and a half and I don’t think I’ve had much experience, I still have a lot to learn as we’ve only recently started our marriage journey. I will share with you what I know, what I believe to be true, and what I’ve read and experienced. If you are a Christian and have plans on marrying, then this one is for you.
Unfortunately, I’ve been hearing a lot of couples filing for divorce these days for reasons that could have been avoided from the start. Marriage is not something you can “try out” and then decide if it’s right for you, contrary to popular belief. The world has truly transformed the word marriage into their own interpretation of what marriage is and should entail. We can almost compare their concept of marriage to that of a new phone; when we’re tired of our old phone, we can easily get rid of it and replace it with a new one. I believe this is what marriage has become, and Christian couples are falling into this trap as well. This is the first in a series of posts about marriage. Today, I’d like to start by talking about the two steps before marriage, the “seeing each other” stage. This stage is crucial and should not be rushed, but it should also not last too long.
Before we enter a relationship, there is a question we must ask ourselves, are we ready? Are we ready to commit to someone else, to spend time with them and less time with our friends and activities? Do we know ourselves? Where do we place God in our lives? What are our struggles and weaknesses? These questions are all very important to know before we enter into a relationship.
The “seeing each other stage” When looking for a partner or if they find you first, it’s really important that you involve God in this step; if we let Him, He will lead us in the right direction and give us clarity. When my Christian friends ask me, what qualities should I look for in a partner, the first thing I tell them is that they must be God-fearing. What does that exactly mean? It means someone who loves God above all, someone who is a Christian by action and not words & someone who is active in the Church. (the partner searching should also be God-fearing.)
Many Christians believe they can find a partner outside of the church and then convert them to Christianity or get them to attend church on a regular basis once they are married. Sure, it might work for a small percentage of the time, but you’re fooling yourself and setting yourself up for failure the majority of the time. I cannot emphasise enough the importance of having God as the head of your life and relationship, which means that both of you must have a strong relationship with God before moving on to a more serious stage, because God is the Creator of love! And He has the ability to do incredible things in your relationship with your partner. We love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19. I really believe it is very difficult to have a successful marriage without God as the head. His love fuels our love for another, so just imagine, how much you and your partner can love one another with His love! (This can be another topic on its own)
Once you’ve determined that they are God-fearing, you must continue to spend time together and get to know each other as much as you can. Knowing your partner is another important step. Perhaps your personalities clash or they have some harmless habits you cannot live with? (Don’t try and change them) or maybe they have damaging weaknesses or struggles? A lot of the time people see their partner’s weakness or struggles during this stage of their relationship and tell themselves “oh, he or she will change when we are married” NO they will not. Do not fall for that trap! For example, If my partner is struggling with gossip or has a tendency to abuse me via verbal or physical means, during this stage of our relationship, I will not wait until we get married to see if they will stop these things. I’ll address them straight away with them, if they agree their actions are damaging and want help, I now have to work on helping them to get rid of these habits and monitor to see if there are changes down the track, if there are no changes, I need to ask myself, is this something I can live with? e.g my partner constantly gossiping? Or my partner abusing me verbally or physically? If the answer is no, then there’s no need to go further. Some people notice this at the engagement stage or just before the wedding, don’t think you’re too far in. You are too far in when you say “I do” and you do not mean or believe it.
To end, I’m not saying you or your partner have to be perfect, but please make sure you spend the right amount of time getting to know them, their personality, and if their weaknesses/struggles are something you can live with forever & vice versa. Because once you are married you discover a lot more about your partner and you need to be ready to help and love them regardless of these things. Don’t allow the thought of a wedding and being married to allow you to rush this step. God bless you and give you guidance always. If you have any questions, please feel free to comment or email me: mirnamakko@hotmail.com
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